Book Recommendation: Adopted For Life

I reviewed Russell Moore's great book Adopted for Life in the Presbyterian Outlook.  Here's the link.  Then go read the book.

Is That A Light At The End of the Tunnel?

Today we have received what feels to be (long-overdue) hopeful news:

Our agency has informed us that a three-step adoption treaty ratification process is scheduled to begin tomorrow!  Our hope and expectation has been that this treaty's ratification between the US and the other government is a necessary step that has to occur in order for the adoption suspension to be lifted.  Until now we have had no sense of when that might occur, other than "soon."  So this is a great step.

In fact, our in-country facilitator is willing to receive our dossier to begin the process of translating it so that it is ready for submission.  Thus far our dossier has been sitting in our agency's office here in the States, so it is enormously encouraging that the situation has shifted enough that we were invited to send it over--it means our facilitator wants to get working on it so it is ready to go as soon as the way is clear.

We still aren't sure when this means we will be formally submitted, or how long the ratification process will take, and obviously we are painfully aware of how tenuous this process can be, but this is wonderful news nonetheless.  As Bethany put it, the doors haven't swung wide open yet but they are starting to open slowly.

Please join us in praying for continued progress.  And pray for the child we so hope to be ours!

Amy Julia Becker Speaking At My Church

If you're in the area, please consider coming to hear Amy Julia Becker, author of A Good and Perfect Gift, (a book I have praised already) who is coming to speak at Neelsville Presbyterian Church in Germantown on Saturday, May 26.   We'll have two presentations: "Rethinking Perfect Children" and "Loving Beyond Ability," with a lunch in between.

Books and lunch will be available...the whole thing is free.  You don't want to miss it.  Click here to register.

Also, feel free to tweet, share, blog, email, or otherwise tell people you know who may be interested.

Putting the Fun in Fundraising

One nice part of adopting is getting to know families who have adopted or are currently in the process.  It's great to hear and share stories.  One family we've crossed paths with is Steve and Aimee Gautreaux, who are adopting a girl from China who has meningocele and spina bifida.  Ain't she a cute little girl?

Today the boys and I spent the morning helping them with a big yard sale at the church to help them raise funds.  It was  beautiful day and a lot of fun--turns out the boys are very well-behaved at yard sales which, it turns out, are basically enormous toy collections.

Got rid of an old lawnmower that was taking up space in our teeny backyard! Score!

Good turnout!  

 My favorite part was when one guy inquired at great length about a breast pump.  He then decided to buy it but wanted to assure us that he was planning on selling it, not using it himself.  Uh, thanks buddy.  We kind of assumed.

Elizabeth Clark stopped by and found these stylish boots!  

Looking good, Elizabeth!  

(Don't tell her that her mom brought them to sell.  

Maybe next time, Nina.)

It was nice to be able to spend time helping another family like this.  We've been so blessed and provided for by the generosity of so many people that it feels good to spend time helping someone else. 

Here's hoping that the Gautreaux's bring their daughter home soon!

Predestination and Adoption in Ephesians: A Higher Dignity

Some thoughts on adoption I've had in preparing for a class I'm teaching at church on Ephesians:

Ephesians 1:4-5 says that God "chose us in him before the foundation of the world...in love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ."

First thought: adoption offers a very helpful analogy that helps us think about the much-maligned and oft-misunderstood idea of predestination, which usually brings to mind a scary, capricious God arbitrarily determining who will be saved and who will be damned, thereby stripping human life of freedom and dignity.  Adoption helps us see why this is a misunderstanding.  Predestination means that God chooses to adopt.

I think of our own situation: long before the child we hope to adopt knew about us (he still doesn't), we knew of him.  In love, we have chosen him and "predestined" him for adoption as a son.  This, I think, is something of an analogy (though very small and imperfect) of how God loves: long before we know about him or can return his love, God chooses to make us part of his family.  The good news is that God's choosing to adopt is far more effectual than our human choosing to adopt.  When God chooses us for adoption, nothing can stop him, there is no local government that can suspend adoptions and hold up the process!

Second thought, this from John Stott's commentary:
"God destined us in love to be his sons.  This expression seems to be the key to our understanding of the present consequences of our election.  Election is with a view to adoption. Indeed, when people ask us the speculative question why God went ahead with the creation when he knew that it would be followed by the fall, one answer we can tentatively give is that he destined us for a higher dignity than even creation would bestow on us.  He intended to 'adopt' us, to make us the sons and daughters of his family." (39)

That bold section is what caught my attention.  I can't tell you how many times as a pastor people have asked me this exact question: why would God create humans if he knew that they would fall into sin and screw it all up?  Stott's answer is intriguing: God's choosing to love us ennobles us and grants an even higher dignity than "mere" creation.  Indeed, God's creation is "very good" (Genesis 1:31) and something of his love is revealed in the beauty of creation, but his love and grace is demonstrated even more powerfully and gloriously in the beauty of adoption. 

Astonishingly,  that this determination happened "before the foundation of the world"--before he made anything, God knew that we would turn from him and reject him, but decided that he would adopt us back into his family anyway (and at great cost!)  The fact that God loves us enough to choose to adopt us grants us a higher dignity!


This passage articulates how our family's process of adoption has caused us think of God's love for us in a new way.  And it reminds me that though God is not pleased that so many children are without families (anymore than he is pleased by any other manifestation of the fall), but when families welcome children through adoption, it paints a picture of his great love. 

I only hope that our adoption contributes "to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved" (Eph 1:6), and that it participates in raising our child's  dignity--and the dignity of orphans like him--as those created in the image of God and loved from before the foundation of the world.

In The Middle of A Story

It's almost been a month since our last adoption update.   On March 12 we went to get another set of fingerprints at the USCIS office in Silver Spring, and then received in the mail our "Notice of Favorable Determination Concerning Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition." (That's the I-600 form we applied for back in Feb).  So, at this point we have literally accomplished every piece of paperwork we can up to this point: we are totally ready to go, just waiting for the situation to open up!

It felt a little strange to be going to get those fingerprints with the dark cloud of the suspension hanging over our heads.  There was a grumpy little part of me that wanted to mutter about how much more fun that errand would be if things were different and it meant that we would be receiving our first travel dates soon.  Truth be told, finalizing these last little details is a lot harder now, since the suspension makes it feel like there's very little wind blowing for our sails to catch and keep us moving.

Still, we're learning and processing. Sitting in the USCIS waiting room, I thought to myself: "I guess this is what it feels like to 'walk by faith and not by sight.'"  It's not easy to keep moving forward when you can't see what lies ahead.  Coincidentally--or not--the Bible reading schedule I'm following this year has me reading through the story of Joseph and so I'm being reminded that often the surprising twists and turns of life are part of a larger story, a story that we can't see the end of because we're in the middle of it.

But, not knowing how the story turns out sometimes stinks.  (Do you think Joseph had some faithful moments of grumpy muttering when he was forgotten in prison for two years?)  We've been processing this in different ways: we've both been a little more generally irritable, I noticed that I was sleeping a bit more than usual, and Bethany described herself as feeling emotionally raw.  We found ourselves avoiding discussions of the adoption, something that has been such a major topic of conversation. Even when Amy Julia Becker asked me for some quotes for her Christianity Today article, I had to take a deep breath to respond.  Just ways of processing the stress and disappointment of being in this holding pattern, I suppose.

But then, we discovered the Hunger Games.

That's a joke, kind of.

I had put it on reserve at the library a few months ago (yes, there was a rather long line) and it came a couple weeks ago, and Bethany started channeling some of her anxious energy by furiously diving into these books.  Thank God for a little escapist young adult fiction to give us something else to think about!  It was kind of nice to get lost in a different story.

Did I say Bethany furiously dove in?  I mean it: she read the first book, and then the second.  And then the third.  Then she bought tickets for the movie (we're going tonight!).  Then she wondered what she would do having completed the trilogy.  Then I offhandedly suggested she read the Twilight series.  So she did.  All of them.  And saw all the movies.  And has developed a rather complex and profound theological reading of these teenage vampire love stories drawing on CS Lewis' essay "The Weight of Glory."  (I'll leave her to write that post.  Or book.)  All of this in just over two weeks.  I told you it was furious.  As for me, I've only finished the one book...what a slowpoke.

We've had some conversations with folks from our adoption agency who are encouraging us, and that has been very helpful.  We're continuing to wait, hope, pray, and manage our nervous energy through young adult fiction!

Thanks for the many of you who are praying for us, putting us on your church prayer lists, sending us notes of encouragement, and generally being kind!  Wish we had more to report beyond this play-by-play of our emotional state, but hopefully we will soon!  The story isn't over...

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

3.21 is World Down Syndrome Day!

Christianity Today has a couple great articles on the subject.  There are lots of good reasons to read them, this one does a great job of describing the problem facing people with Down syndrome.

In a more hopeful direction, this one talks about ways Christian ministries are seeking to help, and our adoption even gets a shout-out!

A Blessing in Disguise...

Watch this news clip!

You will be glad you did!

Occasionally a caring, thoughtful, and well-meaning person has mentioned to us, during the process of our adoption, that they are concerned for Zach and Caleb. They worry that having a child with special needs in the house will be hard for them. Certainly, if I am honest, I can say I have wondered that myself during the process of making this commitment. Watching this news clip was a great reminder for me that teaching Zach and Caleb the joy of selflessly loving others is the best gift we could give.

How Adoption Blesses the Church

Usually Christians think of adoption as a way that the church can be a blessing to others.  Here Russell Moore describes how adoption also blesses the church:

Russell Moore from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Maybe the Sky Is Not Falling After All

First off, many thanks to everyone who has emailed, called, encouraged, and prayed for us this week.  After the dust has settled a bit from last week's news, we're feeling more hopeful, though nothing has changed as far as the suspension is concerned.

We have gathered, however, that this suspension is connected with political realities inside the country which should work themselves out before too long.  People who know more about this stuff than I do are expecting that adoptions should open up again at some point, though it's impossible to know exactly when. So we are sitting tight.

And we are seeking to be faithful and persistent in prayer.  The morning after we received the news of the suspension,  I sat down in the morning to read the Bible, and this was what I was scheduled to read.  A rather timely reminder to be persistent in prayer...even when a "judge in a certain city" is unwilling to act, we are still called "to pray and not to lose heart."

I also preached on Sunday and incorporated into the sermon some of what we've been learning.  It's the first time I laid out some of the theology of adoption that I've been reading and thinking about lately. Bethany said it was the best sermon I've preached (and having heard 'em all, she oughta know!)
If you want to listen to it, you can find it here ("The Burden of Anxiety")

So thanks again for your continued prayers and encouragement.
God has this thing under control.

This is Not the Update I Wanted to Write

We have received some very disappointing news. Yesterday we received an email from our agency telling us that the region we hope to adopt from has suspended all American adoptions. They have done moratoriums before but this one appears to be indefinite. The email seems to hold out some possibility that the suspension could be lifted at some point but there is currently no indication as to when that might be. At the moment they are not accepting American dossiers, which is particularly bitter since we just submitted ours to the agency so recently.

This is very difficult news for us and so if you would join us in prayer, we would be so grateful. We are focusing our Lenten prayer and fasting in this direction:

-Pray for the child we hope to adopt and the thousands of other children in his situation, for whom this decision has grave consequences.

-Pray that the decision would be changed and the suspension lifted soon. Not only does it appear to us to be an injustice, but as you may remember that typically when special needs children turn 4 they are transferred to an institutional setting in which they do not thrive and often die. 

-Pray for the other parents who in the adoption process who are hearing this news. We know of some who have already met their child and are now finding themselves in limbo.

-Pray for wisdom and discernment for us as we try to understand God's providence and seek his will in all of this.

There's a lot that we don't yet know about the situation, and so along with the punched-in-the-gut feeling we have a lot of questions for which we don't yet have answers. And yet we are seeking to place our trust in God's good and gracious sovereignty.

Speaking of which, someone shared this quote with us, and we are reading it and believing it with lumps in our throats:

“Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories like Joseph and Job and Esther and Ruth is to help us feel in our bones (not just know in our heads) that God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ.”
― John Piper

Happy Valentines Day

This is what I got for Valentines Day:

I arrived home from spinning class this morning to a beautiful bouquet of roses from my sweet husband. The boys made me a wonderful Valentines day breakfast...pancakes and fruit salad..yum yum!!!

Andy got a soy latte from Starbucks and a mushy gushy card slyly left for him on the seat of his car. Zach and Caleb both got donuts with pink frosting and white sprinkles. And our child in Eastern Europe? Well he really lucked out...he got an I-600a form!!!! (A petition for advanced processing of an orphan...filed through Immigration services) It was an expensive gift but he is worth it!! Another big step checked off the list. We have faith that next Valentines day we will be able to give him a donut with pink frosting and white sprinkles instead!!!

We had a fun weekend with our sweet friends Ben and Lin . They came down and stayed with us for two nights. On Saturday we all went down to DC to have lunch and walk around the National Cathedral. I had never been and it was really fun to experience it with the boys.

"I LOVE castles." ~ Caleb

While we were there, Zach lit a candle and we all said a prayer for his brother far away.

Andy got this great picture of the stained glass window...a picture of Paul speaking to Timothy- The words are a perfect fit "From a child thou hast known Holy Scriptures- Timothy."

We can both say with certainty that our process of adopting Timothy has lead us to a greater understanding of God's Word for us.

Loved this picture of Zach and Caleb captivated by the statue of a child:

We continue to be thankful for your overwhelming support of our family through this process. We feel wrapped in your love and prayers!

Happy Valentines Day

Dossier On Its Way

We've been busy the last few days.  On Wednesday Bethany went to Howard County to certify some docs and then to Frederick County on Thursday, after our notary public signing party, for more certifications.

Today I drove to Annapolis for the apostilles, which was a lot simpler than I expected it to be...and a great location.  What a great city!  Here's a picture I took right outside the office of the Secretary of State-the Maryland State House was completed in 1797 (but construction began about 25 years earlier, as the internet just informed me.)

Anyway, getting the apostilles done was no problem.  The hardest part was figuring out exactly how many documents we had (since, after all, it costs $5 per page).  After several counts, we landed upon 42.

Here's a couple pictures of the whole dossier, in all its apostilled glory:

At this very moment, Bethany is off making copies of the dossier and then she will drop it in the mail, sending it to our agency.  Feels good to have this finally complete.

Next step is to fill out Form I-600A with the US Citizen and Immigration Services: "Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition."

Looking at those pictures makes me feel accomplished.  But we're not done yet...(did I mention that we compile another dossier after our first visit?  This is just our registration dossier, another is required for court).  One step at at time.

Home Study Complete...At Last!

This pile of papers is our completed homestudy, which arrived in the mail today!  This is a huge relief because we both feel like for a long time, when someone asks "how's the adoption going?" we've been saying: "We're almost done with the homestudy."  Well, now we're done.  Really.  Look at that picture.

So now what?

Now we need to put this pile of papers together with another pile of papers to complete our dossier, and get the whole thing notarized (we have a romantic date with our local notary this Thursday).  Then, Bethany will take it to the circuit court to have it certified.  It would be far too easy for this all to happen in one county, or the county we live in...so of course she needs to go to Howard and Frederick counties to do this.  After this is done I will head to Annapolis to have it apostilled (certification that is internationally recognized).  Notarized, certified, apostilled...got that?

When we've done that we send the whole thing to our child placing agency in Arizona, and all the forms pass inspection by the agency, they will send it to the facilitator in Eastern Europe.

Moving along!  Please keep us in prayer during this process (and keep the process itself in prayer, as well).  As you can see there are many steps along the way, and each one has its own uniquely nerve-wracking quality.  But this is a big step, so we're thankful!

Idol Worship, Helicopter Parenting, and Adoption

I think it's Tim Keller who says that idolatry happens when we take good things and make them ultimate things.  Success at one's career is a good thing, but when it becomes an ultimate thing it makes people neglect their families, treat people cruelly, cheat, lie, etc.  Financial security is a good thing, but it can easily become the focus of our entire lives, resulting in greed, lack of compassion, and limited generosity.  Safety is good, but if it's all we care about it we might never get on a plane to go to Europe.

This makes me think that perhaps the more good something is, the more likely we are to want to turn it into an ultimate thing.  Like kids, for example.

Being a parent is so good.  All the cliches people say about how much you love your kids are true (at least most of the time, and particularly when your kids are asleep or being otherwise well-behaved).  Raising kids is so profoundly significant,  so deeply meaningful, so life-transforming.  It's truly an amazing endeavor.  It's easy to understand why it becomes the sole focus of many people's lives.

Perhaps this partially explains the phenomenon of overbearing helicopter parenting.  Having a kid brings such meaning and purpose into life, they might just be the perfect idol.  The heart of a parent is already so wrapped up in their child that it's not a far step to make their success, happiness, achievement the sole, ultimate focus of one's life.  It's actually somewhat understandable.  The only problem is that kids (or whatever the idol may be) can't, and was never supposed to, bear the full weight of our lives.  The parent who pours themselves completely into their children wonders what to do when the kids leave home.  The kid who was raised by two helicopters struggles for independence.  Idolatry ends up breaking our hearts since, as Pascal suggested, our hearts are shaped in such a way that only God can fill them completely.

Which brings me to adoption.  So far for me at least, this adoption feels like it might be the most important and weighty thing I've ever done.  It's obviously like having kids in lots of ways, but one thing it lacks is all the natural development and unfolding that is present in a biological pregnancy.  Every step along the way takes conscious effort and attention.  If we don't fill out forms and stay of top of things, the process stands still.  This combination means that it feels very important and very easy to obsess about it.

And precisely because it feels so important and requires such effort, I'm learning that adoption can easily become the idol that I worship, the "ultimate good deed" (Voddie Baucham) that will forever establish the significance of my life or justify my existence.  It's almost understandable, since adoption is, after all, a pretty big deal.  It's a good thing.  A very good thing.  Adopting matters.  It matters a lot.  But like any good thing, it can easily become an ultimate thing.

And, it just now occurs to me as I write, that when that shift to idolatry happens, the focus shifts to the self.  Idolatry is when we want a God who serves us, helicopter parenting occurs when a parent needs something from their children, and adoption obsession occurs when I forget that this adoption is not about me and my significance, but it's about an orphan who needs a family and a God who told us to help.

To Screen or Not To Screen....

...that is the question that Amy Julia Becker deals with in a balanced, thoughtful post over at Thin Places.  I particularly like this:


"Knowing that Penny had an extra chromosome would have told me very little about her. It couldn’t even tell me the most basic characteristics–her hair or eye color or gender– much less the distinctive markers that make her her–the things I’ve written about again and again, her determination, her love for books, her inability to sing on key, her pitcher’s arm, her ability to make her little sister giggle. In retrospect, I don’t know how the diagnosis “Trisomy 21″ could have helped us in utero."


Read the whole thing.  As with her book, Amy Julia points out how much of this is driven by parental anxieties and the illusion of control.