I think it's Tim Keller who says that idolatry happens when we take good things and make them ultimate things. Success at one's career is a good thing, but when it becomes an ultimate thing it makes people neglect their families, treat people cruelly, cheat, lie, etc. Financial security is a good thing, but it can easily become the focus of our entire lives, resulting in greed, lack of compassion, and limited generosity. Safety is good, but if it's all we care about it we might never get on a plane to go to Europe.
This makes me think that perhaps the more good something is, the more likely we are to want to turn it into an ultimate thing. Like kids, for example.
Being a parent is so good. All the cliches people say about how much you love your kids are true (at least most of the time, and particularly when your kids are asleep or being otherwise well-behaved). Raising kids is so profoundly significant, so deeply meaningful, so life-transforming. It's truly an amazing endeavor. It's easy to understand why it becomes the sole focus of many people's lives.
Perhaps this partially explains the phenomenon of overbearing helicopter parenting. Having a kid brings such meaning and purpose into life, they might just be the perfect idol. The heart of a parent is already so wrapped up in their child that it's not a far step to make their success, happiness, achievement the sole, ultimate focus of one's life. It's actually somewhat understandable. The only problem is that kids (or whatever the idol may be) can't, and was never supposed to, bear the full weight of our lives. The parent who pours themselves completely into their children wonders what to do when the kids leave home. The kid who was raised by two helicopters struggles for independence. Idolatry ends up breaking our hearts since, as Pascal suggested, our hearts are shaped in such a way that only God can fill them completely.
Which brings me to adoption. So far for me at least, this adoption feels like it might be the most important and weighty thing I've ever done. It's obviously like having kids in lots of ways, but one thing it lacks is all the natural development and unfolding that is present in a biological pregnancy. Every step along the way takes conscious effort and attention. If we don't fill out forms and stay of top of things, the process stands still. This combination means that it feels very important and very easy to obsess about it.
And precisely because it feels so important and requires such effort, I'm learning that adoption can easily become the idol that I worship, the "ultimate good deed" (Voddie Baucham) that will forever establish the significance of my life or justify my existence. It's almost understandable, since adoption is, after all, a pretty big deal. It's a good thing. A very good thing. Adopting matters. It matters a lot. But like any good thing, it can easily become an ultimate thing.
And, it just now occurs to me as I write, that when that shift to idolatry happens, the focus shifts to the self. Idolatry is when we want a God who serves us, helicopter parenting occurs when a parent needs something from their children, and adoption obsession occurs when I forget that this adoption is not about me and my significance, but it's about an orphan who needs a family and a God who told us to help.
This makes me think that perhaps the more good something is, the more likely we are to want to turn it into an ultimate thing. Like kids, for example.
Being a parent is so good. All the cliches people say about how much you love your kids are true (at least most of the time, and particularly when your kids are asleep or being otherwise well-behaved). Raising kids is so profoundly significant, so deeply meaningful, so life-transforming. It's truly an amazing endeavor. It's easy to understand why it becomes the sole focus of many people's lives.
Perhaps this partially explains the phenomenon of overbearing helicopter parenting. Having a kid brings such meaning and purpose into life, they might just be the perfect idol. The heart of a parent is already so wrapped up in their child that it's not a far step to make their success, happiness, achievement the sole, ultimate focus of one's life. It's actually somewhat understandable. The only problem is that kids (or whatever the idol may be) can't, and was never supposed to, bear the full weight of our lives. The parent who pours themselves completely into their children wonders what to do when the kids leave home. The kid who was raised by two helicopters struggles for independence. Idolatry ends up breaking our hearts since, as Pascal suggested, our hearts are shaped in such a way that only God can fill them completely.
Which brings me to adoption. So far for me at least, this adoption feels like it might be the most important and weighty thing I've ever done. It's obviously like having kids in lots of ways, but one thing it lacks is all the natural development and unfolding that is present in a biological pregnancy. Every step along the way takes conscious effort and attention. If we don't fill out forms and stay of top of things, the process stands still. This combination means that it feels very important and very easy to obsess about it.
And precisely because it feels so important and requires such effort, I'm learning that adoption can easily become the idol that I worship, the "ultimate good deed" (Voddie Baucham) that will forever establish the significance of my life or justify my existence. It's almost understandable, since adoption is, after all, a pretty big deal. It's a good thing. A very good thing. Adopting matters. It matters a lot. But like any good thing, it can easily become an ultimate thing.
And, it just now occurs to me as I write, that when that shift to idolatry happens, the focus shifts to the self. Idolatry is when we want a God who serves us, helicopter parenting occurs when a parent needs something from their children, and adoption obsession occurs when I forget that this adoption is not about me and my significance, but it's about an orphan who needs a family and a God who told us to help.
Excellent!
ReplyDeleteWell said!!!
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