It felt a little strange to be going to get those fingerprints with the dark cloud of the suspension hanging over our heads. There was a grumpy little part of me that wanted to mutter about how much more fun that errand would be if things were different and it meant that we would be receiving our first travel dates soon. Truth be told, finalizing these last little details is a lot harder now, since the suspension makes it feel like there's very little wind blowing for our sails to catch and keep us moving.
Still, we're learning and processing. Sitting in the USCIS waiting room, I thought to myself: "I guess this is what it feels like to 'walk by faith and not by sight.'" It's not easy to keep moving forward when you can't see what lies ahead. Coincidentally--or not--the Bible reading schedule I'm following this year has me reading through the story of Joseph and so I'm being reminded that often the surprising twists and turns of life are part of a larger story, a story that we can't see the end of because we're in the middle of it.
But, not knowing how the story turns out sometimes stinks. (Do you think Joseph had some faithful moments of grumpy muttering when he was forgotten in prison for two years?) We've been processing this in different ways: we've both been a little more generally irritable, I noticed that I was sleeping a bit more than usual, and Bethany described herself as feeling emotionally raw. We found ourselves avoiding discussions of the adoption, something that has been such a major topic of conversation. Even when Amy Julia Becker asked me for some quotes for her Christianity Today article, I had to take a deep breath to respond. Just ways of processing the stress and disappointment of being in this holding pattern, I suppose.
But then, we discovered the Hunger Games.
That's a joke, kind of.
I had put it on reserve at the library a few months ago (yes, there was a rather long line) and it came a couple weeks ago, and Bethany started channeling some of her anxious energy by furiously diving into these books. Thank God for a little escapist young adult fiction to give us something else to think about! It was kind of nice to get lost in a different story.
Did I say Bethany furiously dove in? I mean it: she read the first book, and then the second. And then the third. Then she bought tickets for the movie (we're going tonight!). Then she wondered what she would do having completed the trilogy. Then I offhandedly suggested she read the Twilight series. So she did. All of them. And saw all the movies. And has developed a rather complex and profound theological reading of these teenage vampire love stories drawing on CS Lewis' essay "The Weight of Glory." (I'll leave her to write that post. Or book.) All of this in just over two weeks. I told you it was furious. As for me, I've only finished the one book...what a slowpoke.
We've had some conversations with folks from our adoption agency who are encouraging us, and that has been very helpful. We're continuing to wait, hope, pray, and manage our nervous energy through young adult fiction!
Thanks for the many of you who are praying for us, putting us on your church prayer lists, sending us notes of encouragement, and generally being kind! Wish we had more to report beyond this play-by-play of our emotional state, but hopefully we will soon! The story isn't over...
