Our Russian Adoption: The End (and, To Be Continued)

At the end of June we learned some news about our adoption that was very surprising but is ultimately good news, we think: the biological family has stepped forward and is planning to take “our” little boy back to live with them.

It took us some time to wrap our minds around this very unexpected development, but at this point we feel that though it is a loss for us, it is definitely a gain for him.  To live with his own parents and his younger brother could very well be the best possible outcome.  

In the midst of the sadness of this news, we've been comforted by the fact that his parents very likely have stepped forward in part as a result of the media attention our situation has been getting, particularly in the Russian press as a result of being matched with us as his prospective parents.  We’ve often thought of and wondered about his parents: what did they think when thousands marched in January in St Petersburg protesting the ban? Did they see any of the news interviews with his orphanage director, when she discussed his particular situation?  It appears that they did see and felt the need to respond.  And for that we are thankful, even though it still feels like there is a hole in our hearts and in our home.

Nikolsky Cathedral in St Petersburg, where our little guy was claimed by God in baptism.

So the story we've been living in wasn't the story we thought.  Bethany put it this way: our story is no longer (never was) a story of adoption gone wrong, but instead our job was to stand in the gap for this little boy, a world away, and love him until his family could.  Never before have we felt more called to remain with something that seemed more and more impossible. All throughout this crazy rollercoaster process we've been saying to each other "God is up to something here" and now it seems that we can see what that something was.   

It has been a lesson in God’s sovereignty.  One Sunday after worship, after the ban came into effect, I was chatting with folks and a dear woman came up to me and said, “I just want to tell you something.  I’ve been praying for your adoption every day since you announced it, and a very strange thing happened to me that I need to tell you about.  You might think this is crazy, but the other day I was praying for you and I heard a voice--I swear I heard a voice--that said: ‘Timothy will be united with his family.’ I just wanted to tell you that.”  

I was so thankful and encouraged by this, and of course we interpreted it in a certain way at the time.  It seems that it indeed has come true though, in a way more literal than we had thought.  His ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts higher than our thoughts.

We are in touch with the orphanage director and getting details along the way from her.  We have written a letter to the parents to introduce ourselves, encourage them, and just let them know we'd love to stay in communication with them if they are open to that.  

And after we lick our wounds for a little while and recover from the stress of these last months, we plan to pursue another adoption sometime in the future.  In a way, the “Russian adoption” chapter has closed, but in another sense it continues because it has marked us and changed us in irreversible ways. Thanks to all of you for caring, reading and for praying for us and for the situation.  Those prayers have not been wasted!  Please join us now in praying that the hearts of this little boy and his family would continue to be opened to each other. 

I'm Speaking On Adoption This Saturday

I'm thankful for the opportunity to share what I've learned about adoption with the men of National Presbyterian Church in Washington DC. The theme: "Jesus is...Pursuing Adoption."

What It Means to Say Yes to Adoption

When you say yes to adoption, you are saying yes to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes waiting for you to get them. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say yes to the tears, yes to the longing, yes to the maddening process, yes to the money, yes to hope, yes to the screaming frustration of it all, yes to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong. There is no perfect adoption. Every adoption has snags. We Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign" or "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this because it is hard," but all that is garbage. You know what's hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will.

--Jen Hatmaker

Do Christians Have "Orphan Fever" and Is it Harmful?

A couple weeks ago I heard an interview on NPR's Fresh Air about a forthcoming book outlining the evangelical adoption movement.  You can find the interview here, and here is an article by the author in Mother Jones.  The suggestion is that the well-meaning emphasis on adoption has a dark underbelly that results in everything from good old-fashioned proselytizin' to corruption to child trafficking.

I've got this book reserved at my library, and hope to post a review here when I have a chance to read it.  I'm sure there's much to learn, and I have no doubt that there are corrupt elements in international adoption, since human beings are involved.

In the meantime, I'll point you to two responses to the interview/article that suggest that the article is not being fair:

Ed Stetzer interviews some leaders in the orphan care movement asking for their response, and Jonathan Merritt calls the article shameful.

So What's Happening With Your Adoption?

Many people have graciously inquired as to the status of our adoption process since the Russian government passed a law banning adoptions by Americans.  Others may be wondering but are unsure how to ask, so I thought I’d provide an update and thank you for your prayers and concern.

The first thing to say is that the ban has indeed stopped the adoption process for us and hundreds of other families.  There are two main reasons given for the adoption ban: 1) as a response to the US congress passing human rights sanctions against some Russian officials, and 2) as a response to 20 reported cases of Russian adoptees being abused and/or neglected by their adoptive parents.  (There have been approximately 60,000 Russian children adopted by Americans since 1991.)  The law came into effect on January 1, and since then only those families who had received a court-approved adoption decree were able to finalize their adoptions.  These families had taken two trips, we had only taken one, when we met the child and signed our official consent to adopt.  Families in situation such as ours are referred to as “pipeline cases.”

We have been in communication with the Department of State, members of Congress, and human rights advocates in hopes that an arrangement can be worked out, particularly for the “pipeline cases,” however at this point there has been more potential than visible progress.  We continue to hope and pray that an agreement can be reached and that we will be able to finish our adoption.  As you can imagine, this will take a good bit of time, and the outcome is known only to our sovereign Lord (who, we are happy to say, calls himself “father to the fatherless” Psalm 68:5)  We are waiting and trusting him for guidance.

In the meantime we are grateful that God has invited us into this adventure, difficult though it is, because we have felt our hearts enlarged with compassion and our faith deepened and stretched.  We’ve learned that difficult circumstances do not mean that God is absent, and that living for things that matter can bring heartache.  We are growing in our reliance on God, our confidence in his goodness, and our assurance that He also loves the little boy we love, even more deeply than we do.  We can trust Him.

Hard News

*Note: this is from an email we sent out to family and friends back on January 1:

As you all surely know, Ru$$ia's adoption ban was signed, and it takes effect today.  Thanks to all of you who have prayed for us and encouraged us during what was a very difficult week.  Just wanted to let you know where things stand at the moment.

We've connected with the State Department as well as with other adoptive families who find themselves in the same lurch.  Lots of people are doing lots of work to see what can be done to allow families who have made their first trip (like us) to finish the process.  However, the Ru$$ian govt is on holiday for about two weeks so we're not sure how much can be accomplished at the moment.

Though this was devastating news, we hope that God will use all of this to improve conditions for the 750,000 orphans in Ru$$ia.  And we still hope that our little guy will come join our family.  

"This is my Father's world / O let me never forget/ that though the wrong seems oft so strong/ God is the ruler yet."

Thanks for caring and praying,

First Trip Complete!!!

This was originally written in October 2012: 

First trip complete!  Our little guy has definitely become more at ease with us each day (bummer that we have to leave!) and we spent snacktime with him and played for awhile.  We learned that he likes to sing and dance and also has far better table manners than the two boys who have grown up in our house.  This kid is seriously great: playful, perceptive, sweet, goofy.

The hardest part was leaving and knowing that we probably won't see him again for some months.  We still have to finish compiling our court dossier, and even though we're almost finished with it, our facilitator indicated that she doubted that we'd get a court date assigned before the end of the year, and the month of January is a time of national holidays so things will move slowly during that time.  We'll move as quickly as possible, but bureaucracy moves at its own pace.  (As a reminder, we need to travel back for our court hearing when it is assigned, and then again 30 days later to bring him home.)

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your encouraging notes and prayers.  We have been so strengthened by them and have seen circumstances arrange themselves in remarkable ways that we cannot believe to be coincidental, so know that your prayers have been put to work, and we are grateful.  We are thankful in advance for your prayers for safety as we return home tomorrow!